insanity overload

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 04:35:41 GMT

New job doing digger buckets and attachments at sumner park, $8.00 more an hour than ive ever been paid before. Funnily enough, its around the same money as a fly in/ fly out gig i was offered. Apparently there is ten years work in brisbane right now, doing the new gateway bridge and the tunnels etc. so what to do? this job seems ok enough, good people, good bosses etc. i still really want to go to Western Australia, ive heard they need something like 100,000 workers over the next 10 years or something. im living in a great enviroment at the moment, life is quite good and i both fear and crave the isolation that W.A offers. thinking about going to tibet to become a monk, which would be quite easy because i basicaly live like one anyway.

may have to fly back home in two weeks, dads gotta have open heart surgery, four way bypass, blah blah. greif. they are actualy here in australia right now visiting, its good to see em.

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 12:51:45 GMT

ok so here we are, iv'e been out of work for some time... been made redundant. which was fantastic, thank you very much...perfect timing cos i was over it anyway;.....so to get paid out was perfect, so whats to do now? anything i wanna, cos im that type a boy!....the world does hold its breath!

western australia

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:22:05 GMT

i finished up at work last wedneday (18/7/07). we were being made redundant on the 31/8/07 officialy, but were offered an early exit deal which i accepted. mum and dad arrive here in brisbane 24/8, so i have between now and then sometime to tie up all my loose ends, before going to w.a. to work. ive gotta do my tax which is a major cos i havent done it for years, get superannuation in some form of order, get the official discharge from the bankruptcy i entered into 3 years ago around this time of the year actualy, it ended 2/7/07. just gotta get the discharge paperwork. its an odd feeling when i think about driving 5000kms across the country, exciting yet anxious dualy. i imagine after ma and pa go back to n.z ill be off on my travels, im really only here now cos their not all that far off arriving. it would be a bit rude to bugger off before they get here, im sure they would have understood, had i.

so on with sorting out my tax and stuff.

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 10:52:56 GMT

its a post... i was here!

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 02:23:44 GMT

the fall out just keeps rollin on in from my three week binge'er. im an ass, but you already knew that.

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 01:40:29 GMT

back to afternoon shift...2pm---11pm.. probably was time to turn myself upside down again! sleeping in is good.

santas a mean bastard

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 09:29:07 GMT

i didnt get what i asked santa for, he's a mean bastard.

the last three weeks have been a blur, both good and bad.

all i wanted for xmas was a camel train and a duegong, was that really too hard for santa? or was i not good enough through the year? probably!

this past holiday season i did recieve a rather large reality check, thanks santa. prick. its a re-accuring behavioural issue ive had since i started drinking, its goes right back to the start. i guess im just one of those people, who just shouldn't drink. simple.

on with the new year....it hasn't been the best of starts.

twas the night before xmas

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 11:43:46 GMT

ive gone past the point of no return on this night, i gotta go out. id rather not now, i just wanna relax but i gotta cos i gotta..

twas the night before xmas...........2006

will the new year be just that?...a completely new one?....fuk i hope so.

metaphysicaly low
physicaly deadly
mentaly clear
focus is somewhere here somewhere
whereeva here is, somewhere near hopefully. its not normaly too far away... i need a sniffer dog.... or..... i know what i need!...fucking inspiration, just a little for focus,.
fuking focus where are you, ?somewhere near some inspiration.

thurs

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 07:50:54 GMT

its the day before, the last day of work...which is not really a day of work, its the day where we get all our stuff, our xmas stuff, like money vouchers ect....so i gotta go to get my stuff but maybe i wont, cos i dont really care really, and i gotta go out tonight, but maybe i wont, who knows what i'll do.......i dont even know what i'll do..........i could do anything...control is hard to find.....

so its xmas.... where is my elf?

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 02:34:06 GMT

if ya gonna play the game boy, you gotta learn to play it right.

tuesdays

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 22:56:43 GMT

so as was predicted i have not made it back to work yet, maybe tomorrow!.....i just get lost sometimes.

i gotta clean up my room
ive done washing though
financialy stable
mentaly wavering
physicaly...well i did fall down the stairs at marco polo's, bruising to left shoulder, right knee and ankle, middle of back: lucky to not brake a bone! or some bones, was funny though cos my boss was laughing his head off at me, then he fell straight down the stairs as well, i had to like roll out of the way cos he woulda squashed me.

if anybody seen my 'focus', id appreciate it back soon.

friday anxieties

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 08:35:21 GMT

its our work party, it starts tonight and it continues tomorrow and more on sunday....i dont think i'll be at work on monday........or tuesday!

i am forever standing up on my bed and stopping the fan with my head.....i dont even know why i stand up on my bed, ive thought about it and there's really no good reason to. so ive programmed myself, the next time it happens i'll ask myself, "why are we standing up on the bed for, specifically???".

it hot, like arse chaffingly hot. not nutsack chaffing yet though thank goodness. when ya get the chaffed sack, ya know it fucking hot!......but, butt chaffing is definitely no fun neither.

bistrange dreams bout being chased but the plod, big car chases, maybe cos i been playing the need for speed CARBON game alot. i want one of those nintendo WII consoles, it'll fit in the vehicle when i blow this town...dreams about a monkey, when i woke up i missed it, and i missed it all day...... i have amazing dreams when i dont smoke for a bit, seen a show bout weed and how it shuts down certain areas of the brain function, bet its the dreaming parts, im my own lab rat, in more ways than one.

im becoming calmer as i sit here writing, i like to write, always have. like words, like em alot.

finish work next friday i think for christmas, dread christmas alot, especially this year.... start back 2-01-07.... rumour has it they will finish us up for good february, was supposed to be april. dont care anymore really, just want my redundancy cheque... the sooner the better!! then the adventure.

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 09:09:58 GMT

You Were Born Under:

Popular and crafty, you are a master at the art of seduction.
You are intelligent and intuitive - and make a savvy businessperson.
You live life to the fullest, even if it means maxing out your credit cards.
Many people are secretly (and hopelessly) in love with you.

You are most compatible with a Rooster or Ox.

What Year Were You Born Under?

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 08:56:47 GMT

i need to put sheets on my bed, its been a long time...long long time.
cut my fricken hair, it hasnt really bothered me though.
buy some undies, i wouldnt let mum do my washing when she was here cos i didnt want her to see em, no arse, just elastic and a bit of material in the front, oh im terrible with things like that but they dont really bother me either, mum was disapointed i wouldnt let her at my washing, i couldnt tell her why though, she'd be disgusted probably, so it was for the best, i believe.
insurance on the futura before i smash it
sell some more of my old neglected toys!!!
preparation....preparation....preparation!!!!! for vacating this town, one car only, oh god which one? and sell everything apart for what i'll need on the road.
buy a tent, sleeping bag, gas cooker, blah blah
buy a campervan thingy???? i should buy a campervan thingy!!!! maybe?
i wont have to work for a while, should have enough cash for atleast 3 months, so a camper thingy is probably the go!
i dont know why i no think of this before?? maybe cos when im depressed i dont really think about anything, i just feel everything.

oh god

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 08:40:34 GMT

apparently males dont really mature till there thirty, there may be some hope for me yet!! i wonder alot about going back on bipol meds, i think i should, but i just hate the daily regime. i hate swollowing pills, well ones that dont get me wasted anyways. but if i could find some form of stability in a pill, id probably go with it.
christmas anxiety overload!! oh god why do i fear it so?
this redundency (its gonna be a bad spelling day) shit is a mind boggler!
thoughts....* follow in my uncle franks footsteps through indonesia
* drive somewhere to work in the mines, W.A, most likely
* go on a cruise and piss it all up against the wall
* piss it all up against the wall, go nowhere.(oh god no pls)
* go casino and put it all on the black. (roulette)
* go back home to kiwi and buy a house
* buy bruces honda fireblade
* put it in a term deposit( yes god pls make me do this)
* america
* amsterdam
* work in thailand.(3 months work, then 20 years jail)
* melbourne, eeeeerrrrriiiiidunno
* stay here, work for gav $30 p/h, put redundancy in bank.

i dunno, im so overdue to blow this town. get a navman gps thingy and set it for kalgoorlie, and go. i dunno. uncle franks stories about when he traveled through indo, smoking opium and riding trains is rather enticing..

friday

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 04:52:21 GMT

hot muggy mutha ova friday, im still struggling with dehydration. been dehydrated since my holidays, 2-3 months ago. mainly its a sucking in of the cheeks thing, like gaunt or something... been fabricating alsorts for my brothers buiness, nearly finished.
they have put in cameras all over work, so we dont steal everything when they close us down. good thinking!
got a million options for after the place closes, i hate having alot of options....which one????
my hair is outrageously long, im kinda attached to it though, ha!
my black cloud has been mild today, small amounts of brain chemicals must be flowing again, yay.

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 05:28:26 GMT

had the good day, today...anxiety over going out later.
has been a black cloudy last week or so, hopefully its lifting...its normaly a 3 week deal, therefore i expect atleast a few more days beyond blue.

22-11 its nearly fucking Christmas!!
like to just sleep straight through it!!
yup

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 04:59:40 GMT

so my mother was telling me about, when i was a baby. she identified that i was an extremely active baby one day, then totaly inactive the next. so shes seen the family doctor about it. (this is thirty odd years ago) the doctor gave her a list of things i couldnt have in my diet( which even included normal toothpaste).. so in her infinite wisdom she choose to let me be, to see how id behave on a regular diet.. she says that they would just let me go rampaging till i was exhausted, shes says most off the time i behaved o.k..

i only found out she'd identified something in me a couple of weeks ago. i wonder about my behaviour as a child if i was told about it. i always knew that i behaved a little differently than most, but never really knew why.
hindsight tells me that maybe i could have made a adjustment to my behaviour, had i have known...well atleast i could cut down the sugar intake..so i wouldn't have had to have had so many sleepless nights, manic mental obsessions flipping over and over and over again.

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 05:14:46 GMT

i have a beard, might be the wrong season for it though..
yesterday i sleep for ever.
i got a new toy. a futura.
sold two of my old toys, made space in my toy box for new toys...id like a bigger toy box..
lifes tough.
ive taken the bistrange likeing to dogs lately. officialy im a cat boy, but lately ive been taken by cannine critters, odd yes..

Christmas is not so far away.....anxiety.

closing down

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:26:01 GMT

so id left the airport...that was emotional enough.
when i got to work, there were hardly any cars in the car park, i thought that a bit odd. when i went in there were people installing cameras, i thought that a bit odd too. so i clock on and make my way over to Rochelle Rochelle (thats what i named my robot)....my boss comes over, which wasn't odd at all, but the look on his face was, he had that look of devestation, i can pick that kind of face a mile away... anyhow we are being closed down in Queensland, from April next year. im thinking they will close us at christmas though.
it was the best place ive ever worked, with the best group of people, with the best management... i thought that life was too good right now... i really liked robotics, i really liked my work, and the people there, even my bosses, i had great rapport with all of em. we all lived locally and socialised together. it was perfect, including the travel part of it... we set up a shop in thailand, we trained the thai's, and then they closed us down. muthafuckers. ive got options in Melbourne but i think that town has come and gone in this life, who knows, and living in Thailand is just to hot, the people are like flies, well in Bangkok anyway..
i just cant believe it, nobody can.

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 17:50:23 GMT

i no sleepy...
gotta drop the fossils at the airplane @ 5.00am, its both sad and relief @ the same time.
i promised them long ago id be going back home for good by this particular christmas, so id be home for my 30th birthday. i think its preety obvious to them that i wont be going back now. its a difficult thing. i feel guilty, so guilty about it. i wonder whether i'll ever even see em again, well Ma anyway.
guilt..selfishness..
the deaths of my parents....im terrifed.

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 07:50:28 GMT

aparently Harry Potters mrs has genital hogwarts....bumfuk for Harry!

mondays are shit

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 04:58:34 GMT

i didnt go to work today, i had an oil fire in the kitchen last night. im not very good at mopping floors, 3 times and its still oily and slippery, ew, eeewww. smelly too. had the major weekend down the coast, came back up here sat night for a concert, was one of those ones where the support act was better than the main event. then back down the coast on sun for the indy car race. things have been good....too good.

had bistrange conversations with my mother about life, and an ex-girlfriend about love(she is about to be married) hopefully when im not so scattered ill preserve some of the interesting stuff for later reference.

got so many different things in the air right now, need to hide in my hole and do some prioritising, i cant do em all, well i probably could but, id just really like to slow my life down for a bit. .

:)

mondays are shit

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 00:36:17 GMT

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 03:55:21 GMT